Everywhere you look, you get "It's all about YOU" shoved in your face. Marriage isn't just about the individual person. A marriage with a special needs child is a marriage that's not about the couple anymore. Instead, it's all about the child. That can create feelings of "what about me? What about what I need?" The great care of our child takes individual time AND together time away from us, and we're often left with feelings of resentment. The reality is, with or without a special needs child, when we say, "I do," that's the point where it is no longer about ME, but where it becomes about US. The difference here is the wild card dealt us; a special needs child.
And it doesn't stop when your child is grown. Anna is 22-years-old. She still functions at about 18 months, with some scattered older skills. However, I have no idea what they are. When my grandchildren were 18-months-old, they ran circles around Anna.
Anyway, let's get to the list. The first thing up is "My Spouse is not My Enemy." I'm going into teaching mode, now, so the next few weeks will be a little different from what I usually write.
It feels like they are sometimes, doesn't it? The enemy. Daryl and I learned this from a marriage retreat weekend our church sent us on. It was the only thing of value we took away from the program. Looking back, I can see the last thing we needed was going away with hundreds of other couples. We needed someone to sit with us and guide us. I'm not knocking this kind of weekend. It works for lots of couples, just not us.
How many wives have this thought: "If he really loved me, he would know what I need, what I'm thinking." I believe this statement is a lie from the pit of hell. A believable lie. But it stems from selfishness. And it's where thinking your husband is the enemy starts. These thoughts come to me often, especially after 23 years of marriage. We should know each other better, right? We love each other. We're on the same side. Then why doesn't it feel that way? I think it's the old "log in the eye" syndrome. You know the story. We see the faults in our spouse, but the truth is, our own faults are blocking the way. It prevents us from seeing what's really there. Daryl and I are never more at our best then when there's an emergency with Anna. We become the Power Twins. Everyone get out of the way, because we are a force to be reckoned with. I hate it that God has to remind us in this way that we are truly on the same side. I need to take the log out of my own eye and see Daryl for who he truly is. My partner, my lover, my friend. Is he perfect? Nope. But hey, all I have to do is look in the mirror and see my imperfect self.
The real enemy of every marriage is Satan. He's a deceiver and he fools us into thinking our spouses are our enemies. We have to stop believing him and start thinking of our spouse as an ally.
Genesis 2:18, 22-24 The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
What If She Outlives Me?
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Good from Covid?
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5/18/2023
Encouragement from a fellow special mama
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7/31/2020
A Sister's Love
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5/16/2019
Medical Moms
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1/26/2019
The Power of Doritos
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5/7/2018
Yay For Friends!
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1/9/2018
Show You!
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9/11/2017
Happy? 26th Birthday, Anna
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5/15/2017
Re-grouping
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3/14/2017
We can relate!
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A Little Fall Fun
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Going Commando
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10/5/2015
So Behind
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9/22/2015
Stares and Storytime
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4/12/2015
Big Big Changes
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3/27/2015
Blog Post on Autism
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9/22/2014
The Power of Pets
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Depression's Demands
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8/15/2014
Do We or Don't We?
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8/4/2014
Falling Down
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6/22/2014
Research Study
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5/23/2014
Who goes? Who stays?
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5/19/2014
Being Thankful
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4/25/2014
Excellent Article
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4/7/2014
Jury Duty and Holland
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3/27/2014
I Confess
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3/17/2014
The Dreaded Medication Change
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3/4/2014
Keeping It Together - part seven
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2/24/2014
Keeping it Together - part six
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2/10/2014
A Milestone Day
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2/3/2014
Keeping it together - part five
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1/21/2014
Keeping It Together - part four
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1/3/2014
Keeping it Together - part three
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12/16/2013
Keeping it Together - part two
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12/9/2013
Keeping it Together - part one
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12/5/2013
Catching Up
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11/13/2013
The Perfect House
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10/25/2013
Another Mom in the Mix
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10/7/2013
Grieving the Loss
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9/24/2013
Great article
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9/11/2013
This and That
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9/9/2013
Fun in the ER
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8/30/2013
Bless me, Anna!
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8/14/2013
Talk to me, Anna!
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8/8/2013
God's Will
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7/30/2013
Update on Anna's bloodwork
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7/24/2013
Stirring the Cesspool
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7/11/2013
Vacation and Other Fun Stuff
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7/3/2013
A Day at the Beach
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6/17/2013
Anna's Surgery Experience
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6/5/2013
No Place For Anna
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5/26/2013
Painful Gifts
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5/21/2013
Happy 22nd Birthday, Anna!
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5/15/2013
A Rough Day
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5/6/2013
Things I've Learned - part five
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4/30/2013
Things I've Learned - part four
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4/22/2013
Things I've Learned - part three
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4/15/2013
Things I've Learned - part two
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4/9/2013
Interview with Terri Groh
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4/5/2013
Things I've Learned - part one
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4/3/2013
The Things People Say - part eight
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3/27/2013
Comparisons
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3/18/2013
Why Is It A Blessing?
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3/11/2013
Tim's Place
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3/8/2013
New Medication Worries
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3/5/2013
A Night Out for Anna
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2/25/2013
Play it again, Sam
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2/20/2013
Happy Birthday
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2/15/2013
The Anna Bowl
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2/4/2013
The Queen of Babble-on
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1/30/2013
Really, people?
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1/25/2013
Cold Feet
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1/23/2013
Hearing God
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1/15/2013
Running Away
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1/10/2013
Post-Christmas-Reentry-Syndrome
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1/4/2013
Emmanuel, God With Us
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12/17/2012
Take Heart
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12/7/2012
Jumping in the Leaves
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11/27/2012
Being Thankful
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11/19/2012
Patience and Love and Wretchedness
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11/13/2012
A Typical Halter Vacation
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11/8/2012
Is This Really My Life?
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11/1/2012
Frankenstorm
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10/27/2012
A Small Victory at Anna's Program
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10/24/2012
Update on the problem at Anna's program
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10/22/2012
The Fight Goes On
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10/19/2012
Fighting the Good Fight
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10/18/2012
Sit down, Anna
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10/16/2012
The Things People Say - conclusion
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10/15/2012
The Cloaking Device
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10/12/2012
The Things People Say - part seven
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10/11/2012
The Things People Say - part six
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10/10/2012
The Things People Say - part five
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10/9/2012
The Things People Say - part four
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10/4/2012
The Things People Say - part three
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10/3/2012
The Things People Say - part two
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10/2/2012
The Things People Say - part one
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10/1/2012
Godzilla Lives at my House
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9/27/2012
The Early Bird Gets Eaten
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9/26/2012
Over and Over Again
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9/25/2012
What Good Are Seizures?
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9/21/2012
Why Me?
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9/20/2012
The Rest of my Life?
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9/19/2012
Feelings
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9/18/2012