“You’re so lucky Anna is the way she is,” my sister said to me one afternoon. We had taken our kids to the park to play, and while her girls argued and tormented each other, Anna sat quietly in my lap and played with stones while my younger daughter, Mary, enjoyed the swings.
I couldn’t believe she actually said it. For a moment, I stared at her. Then I said, “Well, your girls are going to grow up and leave. I’ll have Anna for the rest of my life.”
The rest of my life.
I don’t think I realized it until that day. Not really. And that started a downward spiral in my thoughts and emotions that is still in place today. Feelings which I kept locked tight within for fear of what someone would think if they ever found out.
How do you feel about maybe having your child for the rest of your life? Do you feel anxious? Robbed? Terrified? Me, I'm scared to death. What will happen when I can do it anymore? What if Anna outlives me?
Fortunately, we have our younger daughter, Mary, who is great with Anna and understands she will be guardian someday. We have things in place right now that will enable us to keep Anna with us for as long as possible. But really. The idea of having Anna when I'm 90 totally freaks me out. And the idea of not having Anna when I'm 90 totally freaks me out. What the heck?
So, what do I do? I pray the Lord will take Anna before I can't take care of her anymore. What else can I do? I can't imagine the difficulty someone would have, trying to explain to Anna where Mommy is. It breaks my heart thinking she'll look and look and I won't be there. Dear God, please have mercy!
Encouragement from a fellow special mama
7/31/2020 3:36:00 PM by: pam
A Sister's Love
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Medical Moms
1/26/2019 7:03:00 AM by: pam
The Power of Doritos
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Yay For Friends!
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Show You!
9/11/2017 12:58:00 PM by: pam
Happy? 26th Birthday, Anna
5/15/2017 7:37:00 AM by: pam
Re-grouping
3/14/2017 8:10:00 AM by: pam
We can relate!
9/1/2016 8:00:00 AM by: pam
A Little Fall Fun
10/18/2015 8:04:11 AM by: pam
Going Commando
10/5/2015 6:37:04 PM by: pam
So Behind
9/22/2015 8:42:33 AM by: pam
Stares and Storytime
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Big Big Changes
3/27/2015 9:12:27 AM by: pam
Blog Post on Autism
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The Power of Pets
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Depression's Demands
8/15/2014 2:19:26 PM by: pam
Do We or Don't We?
8/4/2014 12:00:01 AM by: pam
Falling Down
6/22/2014 1:36:52 PM by: pam
Research Study
5/23/2014 12:48:08 PM by: pam
Who goes? Who stays?
5/19/2014 12:11:51 PM by: pam
Being Thankful
4/25/2014 7:37:26 AM by: pam
Excellent Article
4/7/2014 7:03:09 AM by: pam
Jury Duty and Holland
3/27/2014 7:36:35 AM by: pam
I Confess
3/17/2014 8:11:55 AM by: pam
The Dreaded Medication Change
3/4/2014 12:49:56 PM by: pam
Keeping It Together - part seven
2/24/2014 1:03:18 PM by: pam
Keeping it Together - part six
2/10/2014 8:20:16 AM by: pam
A Milestone Day
2/3/2014 8:13:17 AM by: pam
Keeping it together - part five
1/21/2014 6:43:18 AM by: pam
Keeping It Together - part four
1/3/2014 7:56:02 AM by: pam
Keeping it Together - part three
12/16/2013 7:34:46 AM by: pam
Keeping it Together - part two
12/9/2013 6:30:25 AM by: pam
Keeping it Together - part one
12/5/2013 8:00:03 AM by: pam
Catching Up
11/13/2013 8:22:00 AM by: pam
The Perfect House
10/25/2013 8:06:56 AM by: pam
Another Mom in the Mix
10/7/2013 3:11:58 PM by: pam
Grieving the Loss
9/24/2013 8:39:13 AM by: pam
Great article
9/11/2013 1:06:06 PM by: pam
This and That
9/9/2013 4:09:18 PM by: pam
Fun in the ER
8/30/2013 9:17:32 AM by: pam
Bless me, Anna!
8/14/2013 1:51:41 PM by: pam
Talk to me, Anna!
8/8/2013 5:04:30 PM by: pam
God's Will
7/30/2013 3:13:08 PM by: pam
Update on Anna's bloodwork
7/24/2013 6:31:05 AM by: pam
Stirring the Cesspool
7/11/2013 6:27:11 AM by: pam
Vacation and Other Fun Stuff
7/3/2013 5:46:28 AM by: pam
A Day at the Beach
6/17/2013 8:05:05 AM by: pam
Anna's Surgery Experience
6/5/2013 12:03:49 PM by: pam
No Place For Anna
5/26/2013 8:27:52 AM by: pam
Painful Gifts
5/21/2013 8:56:57 AM by: pam
Happy 22nd Birthday, Anna!
5/15/2013 6:48:55 AM by: pam
A Rough Day
5/6/2013 6:18:44 AM by: pam
Things I've Learned - part five
4/30/2013 8:02:08 AM by: pam
Things I've Learned - part four
4/22/2013 6:51:41 AM by: pam
Things I've Learned - part three
4/15/2013 6:14:06 AM by: pam
Things I've Learned - part two
4/9/2013 7:40:11 AM by: pam
Interview with Terri Groh
4/5/2013 5:44:08 AM by: pam
Things I've Learned - part one
4/3/2013 7:55:42 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part eight
3/27/2013 6:06:08 AM by: pam
Comparisons
3/18/2013 8:06:43 AM by: pam
Why Is It A Blessing?
3/11/2013 6:24:04 AM by: pam
Tim's Place
3/8/2013 11:57:02 AM by: pam
New Medication Worries
3/5/2013 6:38:36 AM by: pam
A Night Out for Anna
2/25/2013 11:29:44 AM by: pam
Play it again, Sam
2/20/2013 5:47:32 AM by: pam
Happy Birthday
2/15/2013 5:32:13 AM by: pam
The Anna Bowl
2/4/2013 8:01:33 AM by: pam
The Queen of Babble-on
1/30/2013 12:45:36 PM by: pam
Really, people?
1/25/2013 7:36:11 AM by: pam
Cold Feet
1/23/2013 7:55:46 AM by: pam
Hearing God
1/15/2013 6:58:57 AM by: pam
Running Away
1/10/2013 11:19:00 AM by: pam
Post-Christmas-Reentry-Syndrome
1/4/2013 6:49:36 AM by: pam
Emmanuel, God With Us
12/17/2012 6:51:08 AM by: pam
Take Heart
12/7/2012 4:42:07 AM by: pam
Jumping in the Leaves
11/27/2012 5:56:16 AM by: pam
Being Thankful
11/19/2012 7:02:07 AM by: pam
Patience and Love and Wretchedness
11/13/2012 7:38:47 AM by: pam
A Typical Halter Vacation
11/8/2012 8:35:45 AM by: pam
Is This Really My Life?
11/1/2012 5:21:04 AM by: pam
Frankenstorm
10/27/2012 4:22:45 PM by: pam
A Small Victory at Anna's Program
10/24/2012 7:21:36 AM by: pam
Update on the problem at Anna's program
10/22/2012 8:23:51 AM by: pam
The Fight Goes On
10/19/2012 4:55:06 AM by: pam
Fighting the Good Fight
10/18/2012 7:01:44 AM by: pam
Sit down, Anna
10/16/2012 6:44:47 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - conclusion
10/15/2012 8:32:45 AM by: pam
The Cloaking Device
10/12/2012 6:22:27 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part seven
10/11/2012 5:56:56 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part six
10/10/2012 5:35:53 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part five
10/9/2012 6:59:06 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part four
10/4/2012 6:00:52 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part three
10/3/2012 6:09:22 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part two
10/2/2012 5:29:13 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part one
10/1/2012 7:52:27 AM by: pam
Godzilla Lives at my House
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The Early Bird Gets Eaten
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Over and Over Again
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What Good Are Seizures?
9/21/2012 11:48:29 AM by: pam
Why Me?
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The Rest of my Life?
9/19/2012 5:47:36 AM by: pam
Feelings
9/18/2012 1:23:56 PM by: Pam