I have learned strength of will. During the first year of Anna’s seizures, I bawled my eyes out after every episode. Fifteen years later, I hold her through each one and ask the Lord for help. Most of the time, seizures are a general annoyance. Like a speed bump or hiccup. When I don’t fall apart, I can be there for Anna.
But it's still not easy. Just when I think I'm handling this thing well, she'll have a BIG seizure, or a different kind of seizure, or crack her head open, and I fall apart all over again. And I get so frustrated with myself over what I consider weakness. I'm used to seizures, after all, right?
The truth is you never get used to them. They become part of your life. You learn to handle them, expect them, and get through them. But you never get used to them. This has increased my strength of will and dependence on God. I am determined to help Anna, but so much is out of my control that no matter how strong my will is, I can't fix this.
Strength of will has helped me not only take care of Anna through her many seizures, but to also work to take care of myself. I have to be strong and healthy, although I have a long way to go with weight loss. I go to the gym, determined to try to slim down, and while I'm not losing weight right now, I'm sleeping better and my lower back doesn't hurt nearly as much. This helps me hold Anna through the more violent seizures when Daryl isn't there.
Then there's my faith and trust in my Heavenly Father. I don't have a clue as to why He hasn't healed Anna after years of the prayers of hundreds of people. But my strength of will helps me cling to Him, no matter how frustrated and confused I feel.
Most people wonder how I can handle it at all. I couldn’t in the beginning, but I have learned strength of will, even though I never asked for the lesson.
What If She Outlives Me?
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Good from Covid?
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Encouragement from a fellow special mama
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A Sister's Love
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Medical Moms
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The Power of Doritos
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Yay For Friends!
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1/9/2018
Show You!
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9/11/2017
Happy? 26th Birthday, Anna
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Re-grouping
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3/14/2017
We can relate!
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A Little Fall Fun
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Going Commando
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So Behind
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Stares and Storytime
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4/12/2015
Big Big Changes
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3/27/2015
Blog Post on Autism
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9/22/2014
The Power of Pets
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Depression's Demands
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8/15/2014
Do We or Don't We?
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8/4/2014
Falling Down
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6/22/2014
Research Study
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Who goes? Who stays?
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Being Thankful
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4/25/2014
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4/7/2014
Jury Duty and Holland
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I Confess
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The Dreaded Medication Change
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Keeping It Together - part seven
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Keeping it Together - part six
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A Milestone Day
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Keeping it together - part five
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Keeping It Together - part four
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Keeping it Together - part three
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Keeping it Together - part two
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Catching Up
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The Perfect House
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Another Mom in the Mix
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Grieving the Loss
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Great article
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This and That
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Fun in the ER
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8/30/2013
Bless me, Anna!
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8/14/2013
Talk to me, Anna!
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8/8/2013
God's Will
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7/30/2013
Update on Anna's bloodwork
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7/24/2013
Stirring the Cesspool
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7/11/2013
Vacation and Other Fun Stuff
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7/3/2013
A Day at the Beach
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6/17/2013
Anna's Surgery Experience
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6/5/2013
No Place For Anna
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5/26/2013
Painful Gifts
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5/21/2013
Happy 22nd Birthday, Anna!
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5/15/2013
A Rough Day
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5/6/2013
Things I've Learned - part five
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4/30/2013
Things I've Learned - part four
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4/22/2013
Things I've Learned - part three
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4/15/2013
Things I've Learned - part two
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4/9/2013
Interview with Terri Groh
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4/5/2013
Things I've Learned - part one
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4/3/2013
The Things People Say - part eight
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3/27/2013
Comparisons
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3/18/2013
Why Is It A Blessing?
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3/11/2013
Tim's Place
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3/8/2013
New Medication Worries
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3/5/2013
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2/25/2013
Play it again, Sam
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2/20/2013
Happy Birthday
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2/15/2013
The Anna Bowl
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2/4/2013
The Queen of Babble-on
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1/30/2013
Really, people?
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1/25/2013
Cold Feet
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1/23/2013
Hearing God
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1/15/2013
Running Away
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1/10/2013
Post-Christmas-Reentry-Syndrome
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1/4/2013
Emmanuel, God With Us
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12/17/2012
Take Heart
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12/7/2012
Jumping in the Leaves
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11/27/2012
Being Thankful
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11/19/2012
Patience and Love and Wretchedness
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A Typical Halter Vacation
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11/8/2012
Is This Really My Life?
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11/1/2012
Frankenstorm
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10/27/2012
A Small Victory at Anna's Program
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10/24/2012
Update on the problem at Anna's program
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10/22/2012
The Fight Goes On
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10/19/2012
Fighting the Good Fight
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10/18/2012
Sit down, Anna
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10/16/2012
The Things People Say - conclusion
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10/15/2012
The Cloaking Device
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10/12/2012
The Things People Say - part seven
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10/11/2012
The Things People Say - part six
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10/10/2012
The Things People Say - part five
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10/9/2012
The Things People Say - part four
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The Things People Say - part three
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10/3/2012
The Things People Say - part two
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10/2/2012
The Things People Say - part one
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10/1/2012
Godzilla Lives at my House
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The Early Bird Gets Eaten
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Over and Over Again
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What Good Are Seizures?
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Why Me?
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The Rest of my Life?
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Feelings
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9/18/2012
