I hate hearing the words, "medication change." The doctor may as well say, "I think you don't have enough to deal with, so let's make your life a little harder this week." But Anna continues to have seizures, so how I can I argue with trying something else? I can't do nothing, right?
Last week, we had a neurology check up and Dr. Lisa thought we should try to increase Anna's vimpat in the morning. Just by one pill.
Okay.
The first day, after an hour of receiving the new medication, Anna's tremors increased, her balance was so bad, she couldn't walk or even sit up. She would try, but fall over or fall down. She didn't eat breakfast. She didn't play with her beloved blocks. She took a nap. By the time the bus arrived, I was able to walk her down the sidewalk, but she pretty much did nothing at her program, either.
By dinnertime, she was back to normal, even though she had a few seizures. The second day brought the same reaction, except when she can home from program, she was sick to her stomach. And we had an increase in seizure activity. I know there's a transition time, so I was determined to stick with it for a week.
The third day was the same, although she wasn't sick.
The fourth day started off the same, but this day we saw 13 big seizures and 1 head drop. Daryl and I said enough is enough. We did not give her the increase of vimpat the fifth day and she's been just fine for three days. I'll be calling the doc this afternoon.
During this time, I begged God to intervene and I was reminded of a similar situation years ago, when I was begging for the seizures to stop. You may have heard me tell the story before. Now, I don't hear God's voice in an audible way. He speaks more to my heart and mind. The words just appear and I know they're from Him. Know what I mean? Anyway, I was praying and God said, "I am able to heal your daughter. But if I choose not to, will you still love me?"
Wow.
What do you say to that? Do I love God for what He does for me or do I love Him for Himself? That's the million dollar question, I guess. And I have to answer, "Yes, Lord, I love you no matter what."
Do I still pray for Anna's healing? Of course. I'm her mommy and I can do no less. But I'm thankful for the brain God has given me to be able to reason out the things I should or should not be doing with Anna. So, bring on the medication changes. I'll see how they work and decide what to do with them.
Encouragement from a fellow special mama
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