I have learned strength of will. During the first year of Anna’s seizures, I bawled my eyes out after every episode. Fifteen years later, I hold her through each one and ask the Lord for help. Most of the time, seizures are a general annoyance. Like a speed bump or hiccup. When I don’t fall apart, I can be there for Anna.
But it's still not easy. Just when I think I'm handling this thing well, she'll have a BIG seizure, or a different kind of seizure, or crack her head open, and I fall apart all over again. And I get so frustrated with myself over what I consider weakness. I'm used to seizures, after all, right?
The truth is you never get used to them. They become part of your life. You learn to handle them, expect them, and get through them. But you never get used to them. This has increased my strength of will and dependence on God. I am determined to help Anna, but so much is out of my control that no matter how strong my will is, I can't fix this.
Strength of will has helped me not only take care of Anna through her many seizures, but to also work to take care of myself. I have to be strong and healthy, although I have a long way to go with weight loss. I go to the gym, determined to try to slim down, and while I'm not losing weight right now, I'm sleeping better and my lower back doesn't hurt nearly as much. This helps me hold Anna through the more violent seizures when Daryl isn't there.
Then there's my faith and trust in my Heavenly Father. I don't have a clue as to why He hasn't healed Anna after years of the prayers of hundreds of people. But my strength of will helps me cling to Him, no matter how frustrated and confused I feel.
Most people wonder how I can handle it at all. I couldn’t in the beginning, but I have learned strength of will, even though I never asked for the lesson.
A Sister's Love
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Medical Moms
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The Power of Doritos
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Yay For Friends!
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Show You!
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Happy? 26th Birthday, Anna
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Re-grouping
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We can relate!
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A Little Fall Fun
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So Behind
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Big Big Changes
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Blog Post on Autism
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Do We or Don't We?
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Falling Down
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Research Study
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4/7/2014 7:03:09 AM by: pam
Jury Duty and Holland
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I Confess
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The Dreaded Medication Change
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Keeping It Together - part seven
2/24/2014 1:03:18 PM by: pam
Keeping it Together - part six
2/10/2014 8:20:16 AM by: pam
A Milestone Day
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Keeping it together - part five
1/21/2014 6:43:18 AM by: pam
Keeping It Together - part four
1/3/2014 7:56:02 AM by: pam
Keeping it Together - part three
12/16/2013 7:34:46 AM by: pam
Keeping it Together - part two
12/9/2013 6:30:25 AM by: pam
Keeping it Together - part one
12/5/2013 8:00:03 AM by: pam
Catching Up
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The Perfect House
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Another Mom in the Mix
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Grieving the Loss
9/24/2013 8:39:13 AM by: pam
Great article
9/11/2013 1:06:06 PM by: pam
This and That
9/9/2013 4:09:18 PM by: pam
Fun in the ER
8/30/2013 9:17:32 AM by: pam
Bless me, Anna!
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Talk to me, Anna!
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God's Will
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Update on Anna's bloodwork
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Stirring the Cesspool
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Vacation and Other Fun Stuff
7/3/2013 5:46:28 AM by: pam
A Day at the Beach
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Anna's Surgery Experience
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No Place For Anna
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Painful Gifts
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Happy 22nd Birthday, Anna!
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A Rough Day
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Things I've Learned - part five
4/30/2013 8:02:08 AM by: pam
Things I've Learned - part four
4/22/2013 6:51:41 AM by: pam
Things I've Learned - part three
4/15/2013 6:14:06 AM by: pam
Things I've Learned - part two
4/9/2013 7:40:11 AM by: pam
Interview with Terri Groh
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Things I've Learned - part one
4/3/2013 7:55:42 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part eight
3/27/2013 6:06:08 AM by: pam
Comparisons
3/18/2013 8:06:43 AM by: pam
Why Is It A Blessing?
3/11/2013 6:24:04 AM by: pam
Tim's Place
3/8/2013 11:57:02 AM by: pam
New Medication Worries
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A Night Out for Anna
2/25/2013 11:29:44 AM by: pam
Play it again, Sam
2/20/2013 5:47:32 AM by: pam
Happy Birthday
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The Anna Bowl
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The Queen of Babble-on
1/30/2013 12:45:36 PM by: pam
Really, people?
1/25/2013 7:36:11 AM by: pam
Cold Feet
1/23/2013 7:55:46 AM by: pam
Hearing God
1/15/2013 6:58:57 AM by: pam
Running Away
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Post-Christmas-Reentry-Syndrome
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Take Heart
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Jumping in the Leaves
11/27/2012 5:56:16 AM by: pam
Being Thankful
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Patience and Love and Wretchedness
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A Typical Halter Vacation
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Is This Really My Life?
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Frankenstorm
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A Small Victory at Anna's Program
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Update on the problem at Anna's program
10/22/2012 8:23:51 AM by: pam
The Fight Goes On
10/19/2012 4:55:06 AM by: pam
Fighting the Good Fight
10/18/2012 7:01:44 AM by: pam
Sit down, Anna
10/16/2012 6:44:47 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - conclusion
10/15/2012 8:32:45 AM by: pam
The Cloaking Device
10/12/2012 6:22:27 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part seven
10/11/2012 5:56:56 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part six
10/10/2012 5:35:53 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part five
10/9/2012 6:59:06 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part four
10/4/2012 6:00:52 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part three
10/3/2012 6:09:22 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part two
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The Things People Say - part one
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Godzilla Lives at my House
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The Early Bird Gets Eaten
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Over and Over Again
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What Good Are Seizures?
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Why Me?
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The Rest of my Life?
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Feelings
9/18/2012 1:23:56 PM by: Pam
